I think, for me anyway, it's really tough to quit riding for 3-4 months out of the year due to not having an indoor. I'm not super confident. Even back in the day when I jumped big jumps, I never stood at that ingate thinking, "yeah, no problem, I'm gonna win this one". So to just stop riding completely for awhile and then start again with questionable weather (and mildly insane equine) is REALLY HARD! Now add on all the social media I'm seeing of everyone showing and I'm feeling so jealous! But also a little terrified. Part of me wants to get out there and get back in the show ring. But the other part of me is afraid to jump any of this:
Seeing everyone out there killing it in the show ring makes me a little nostalgic and I start looking at old photos...
Fast forward to college... I lost Bud during the second month I was at Skidmore. It was devastating, but that's a story for a different day. My trainer at school made sure I had the best horses to ride any time I wanted to after that. Which was pretty incredible. And eventually Cosmo joined the family. Cosmo was hard. Really hard to ride. REALLY HARD! Caps lock HARD. But honest as the day is long. He might rear and spin at the in gate. He might throw his legs at the top rails and have 28 faults. But he always jumped the jumps. And with him I learned to jump the big fences (for me, not really big fences). We did the Low Amateur Owner Jumpers.
|Low? Really? I see nothing low here.|
Cosmo liked to play with my confidence. Being not that brave, it was a challenge to get to the horse show and get through the ingate some days. Literally. He had such stage fright! But I think he taught me how to fake feeling tough. As long as I told him I wasn't scared, he'd believe me. Even if it was a bold faced lie. And he'd bounce into that ring (yes, walking in was asking too much, it's called compromise!) and cart my timid butt around a 4'3" course. That's a good boy.
My boy Rio who you all know and love was the next to walk into my life. Want to know a secret? I didn't really like him when he first arrived. I know, right?! But Rio was like Bud. He didn't care how many times I lied to him. How scary the
I love my Jamposaur and we even dabbled in the jumper ring but that trust isn't there:
I'm terrified that all this fear inside will lead me to mess up Romey and Badger (aka GTO). I want to get them both moving forward with confidence spilling out their ears. I want to get all of the horses in the show ring with only positive thoughts. That, my friends, will take time. Because all of the successes from my past didn't happen the first time I swung a leg over those horses. They all took time. With Bud, it took years! With Cosmo... the successes were small. And they could be fleeting. But with Rio... The successes took some time, but then they just kept coming. Once I found his happy place in the eq ring, they've come with Jamp too. His can be fleeting. He's more of a Cosmo than a Bud or Rio.
Looking back on the past, I know the fear came. With each horse it was there at some point. And with each horse, I was able to overcome it. And I know I can again.
Do you ever have fears when you're working toward a goal? Or cantering toward a crossrail? What do you do to overcome them?