Truthful Tuesday

Today on Truthful Tuesday, we're going to talk about my conflicting emotions in relation to riding/training/showing my horses. Getting older is hard. Getting older and trying to be a successful amateur rider is even harder!
I think, for me anyway, it's really tough to quit riding for 3-4 months out of the year due to not having an indoor. I'm not super confident. Even back in the day when I jumped big jumps, I never stood at that ingate thinking, "yeah, no problem, I'm gonna win this one". So to just stop riding completely for awhile and then start again with questionable weather (and mildly insane equine) is REALLY HARD! Now add on all the social media I'm seeing of everyone showing and I'm feeling so jealous! But also a little terrified. Part of me wants to get out there and get back in the show ring. But the other part of me is afraid to jump any of this:

Well... maybe I'm ok with that little hurdle. If it's cloudy so there's no shadow. And it's not windy. And it's at least 70 degrees. Because that's when I think Jamp won't spook.
Seeing everyone out there killing it in the show ring makes me a little nostalgic and I start looking at old photos...

When I was a junior I had the best Junior Hunter. His name was Just Humour Me, and we called him Bud. Or Bud-Bud. Or Spud. Or Budly... He had a lot of nick names. He was an appendix quarter horse. I bought him when he was five and we embarrassed ourselves through the levels until we actually figured out what we were doing. He was my first heart horse, and he was the best confidence builder out there. THE. BEST. He NEVER said no at a jump. Even when it really would have been in our best interest. Sometimes he would get WILD, but he always let you know before it was a problem, and you could quickly lunge it out of him. I showed in the 3'6" juniors, but back then, there was no 3'3" option. LOOK HOW HIGH WE JUMPED! And I'm still alive!
Fast forward to college... I lost Bud during the second month I was at Skidmore. It was devastating, but that's a story for a different day. My trainer at school made sure I had the best horses to ride any time I wanted to after that. Which was pretty incredible. And eventually Cosmo joined the family. Cosmo was hard. Really hard to ride. REALLY HARD! Caps lock HARD. But honest as the day is long. He might rear and spin at the in gate. He might throw his legs at the top rails and have 28 faults. But he always jumped the jumps. And with him I learned to jump the big fences (for me, not really big fences). We did the Low Amateur Owner Jumpers.

Low? Really? I see nothing low here.

His antics and mistreatment of his own body led to him not staying sound enough for the jumpers. He really wasn't an eq horse nor a hunter (not at all there!) and I did not yet have my farm, so I decided it was time to donate him to a boarding school and find a new mount. He lived out his life there, and they absolutely loved him. He even participated in IEA and IHSA shows!
Cosmo liked to play with my confidence. Being not that brave, it was a challenge to get to the horse show and get through the ingate some days. Literally. He had such stage fright! But I think he taught me how to fake feeling tough. As long as I told him I wasn't scared, he'd believe me. Even if it was a bold faced lie. And he'd bounce into that ring (yes, walking in was asking too much, it's called compromise!) and cart my timid butt around a 4'3" course. That's a good boy.
My boy Rio who you all know and love was the next to walk into my life. Want to know a secret? I didn't really like him when he first arrived. I know, right?! But Rio was like Bud. He didn't care how many times I lied to him. How scary the mountain oxer was I was galloping him at, he always jumped the jump. He almost never got wild. He might be spooky before getting down to business, but never once you were working. And look what I managed to do with him:

I know! Hard to believe. We showed pretty consistently in the 1.3 and 1.35 M classes. Blows my mind to look back at that. And I wonder if that confidence will ever come back. I think it's really important to have the right horse. One that you trust quite literally with your life.
I love my Jamposaur and we even dabbled in the jumper ring but that trust isn't there:

We didn't venture higher than the 1.2 M before I decided it wasn't the ring for us. I can't fool Jamp into believing I'm not scared. And he has made zero attempts at tricking me into thinking he's brave. And so we need help from our trainer to get us in the ring. Or over these even some days:

Now that Spring is here (sort of... 50 degrees and windy in May is spring, right?), I haven't been able to force myself to jump Jampy any higher than 2'. I think I'll feel better if someone is there to babysit. But the one day I had a friend around, Jamp was a nut case. Spooking and running off, rearing and spinning. NOT a day for jumping. Ugh. My vet thinks it's Lyme disease rearing it's ugly little face, so hopefully there's a reason and cure to all this fear we've both accumulated. My trainer doesn't have anyone to watch her daughter at the moment so that also means I haven't been able to have her out to help me.
I'm terrified that all this fear inside will lead me to mess up Romey and Badger (aka GTO). I want to get them both moving forward with confidence spilling out their ears. I want to get all of the horses in the show ring with only positive thoughts. That, my friends, will take time. Because all of the successes from my past didn't happen the first time I swung a leg over those horses. They all took time. With Bud, it took years! With Cosmo... the successes were small. And they could be fleeting. But with Rio... The successes took some time, but then they just kept coming. Once I found his happy place in the eq ring, they've come with Jamp too. His can be fleeting. He's more of a Cosmo than a Bud or Rio.
Looking back on the past, I know the fear came. With each horse it was there at some point. And with each horse, I was able to overcome it. And I know I can again. 

Do you ever have fears when you're working toward a goal? Or cantering toward a crossrail? What do you do to overcome them?

What's Up Wednesday!

Most of the past week was spent enjoying the Florida sunshine! Sorry to rub it in. But it was warm. And sunny. THE ENTIRE TIME! It was glorious.

I arrived on Wednesday evening with just enough time to grab some dinner at a local Italian restaurant. It happens to be right next to my favorite Froyo place too so...

I was in Florida for 4 days and managed to get Froyo 3 times. That's a successful vacation if you ask me.
Thursday I was at the barn to see my boy at 9 am. He was happy to see me! (I mean maybe not, but let's pretend he was.)

That face! I can't believe that face is all mine. I CANNOT WAIT for him to get home. We rode really quickly and then went with my trainer over to the horse show. WEF is over, but they have a spring circuit happening now. No rest for the weary!

She and her horse Artie (who's show name I can never remember...sorry) were showing in the welcome stake. It was Artie's first time in the 1.40 M. He was really good but had a few rails down. Not a bad first try! Especially in that enormous international ring! My buddy Charlie showed too in a smaller ring. He did a 1.15 class out of convenience and was awesome! Just 1 rail in the jump off. Pilot error. Hey, it happens!
After the horse show we had lunch and then I headed back north to run a few errands. I had a quiet night, and was back at the barn at 9 am on Friday. I had a bit of a break through with GTO (who is also called Badger now. After Honey Badger. Cause Honey Badger don't care. And nothing phases this boy)! I've been riding him like a china doll which really means I wasn't really riding him. And as a result NOTHING I was doing really went that well. Never bad, just not great either. Finally I realized I could RIDE the horse. He doesn't get mad when I actually tell him what I want. He just does it. Imagine that?! Ugh. He's such a nice horse!

After riding and our big break through I was pooped! I headed back to the house to enjoy some sunshine before picking up my dad and step mom at the airport. We seem to be on the same Florida schedule this year.
Saturday morning came super early. Artie had a 1.35 meter classic and Charlie was doing another 1.15 M class. Both classes started at 8 am, so I had to leave the house at 6:15. Not too bad though. Most horse show mornings start much earlier! The horses were great again! Artie had a few rails in the middle part of the course, but he jumped amazingly after that. Charlie was great too, but his human forgot where she was going and had to circle. Oops.

I rode GTO when we got back from the horse show and had a lesson. He's such an understanding boy.... Ugh I have SO much work to do. Seriously. It's like I can't even canter a raised cavaletti! Oye. Thankfully no matter how many times I mess up, GTO just keeps trying. Seriously. Such a good pony. I hope I don't mess up this one. We didn't do very much Saturday so we could do more on Sunday. Baby steps for my ammy brain!
When I got back home, the parentals invited me to get a mani pedi with them. You don't say no to a sponsored mani pedi! Especially after a butt kicking lesson. Those foot rubs were much needed.

Yes, I wear jeans when it's 85 degrees. 

After that it was dinner time, and then I pretty much fell asleep. Holy long awesome day! Zzzzzzzz....
Sunday was a normal morning at the barn. I got there at nine and got to flat Charlie finally! Yay! He's so much fun!

And then we continued my lesson with GTO. I think it went pretty well for the most part. But Ugh! I'm really in a bad place considering how soon show season is. Might have to focus more on lessons and less on showing for awhile. (#firstworldproblems amiright?!)

After riding, I joined the parentals at the driving range. Which is funny because I have absolutely no idea how to hit a golf ball. You should have been there...

I am not in this photo. It's for the best. Really.

It's important to note, that my step mom is pretty tall and I was using her clubs. You can use your imagination, but I'll help some. My club destroyed more grass than it hit balls. I did get a few to go up and straight though! Not bad, not bad... Also not good... Ha.

My dad had to drive up to Orlando for a marketing group meeting Sunday night, so my step mom and I headed to the local Mexican restaurant. My dad isn't a fan of Mexican food (I know, how is he my dad?!) so we figured it was the perfect place to go without him. It did not disappoint.
And just like that, it was time to come back north. To the land of 40 degrees. But also to all my four legged kids. So that part was nice. My flight actually landed a little early, and I was home before five to unpack, feed the tall kids, and get the short kids at their grandma's house. I really miss those kids when I'm away!

I probably should have ridden Monday night, but I didn't since I wanted to get the pugs early. Then Tuesday it poured rain for half the day. It was actually gorgeous in the evening, but my ring was a sloppy mess, so riding had to wait. Booooo. Forecast is looking great for the weekend though so I'm hoping to get these wild animals tamed by next week! Hahahahaha, I can't even type that without laughing.
Well that's what's up this Wednesday! What's up with you? Have you been riding much? Running? Something else fun?