Anyone else? How do you treat yourself when life gets a little hard?
That's it! That's all I have to share today. He's home, and he's settling in well. He's allowed hand walks and unlimited hand grazing. So we got started on that this afternoon.
I'm a problem solver by nature. So after feeding the horses quickly, I came back inside the house to do the work I had scheduled for that morning and also to put up an add for help here at the farm. Well. My current helper saw the ad. (And please note that I mentioned to her the day before that I need to get the hours filled in case of bad news. And also keep in mind that she is the one that only wants to work two days a week.) So she sees my ISO and COMES AT ME that she felt like it was a dig at her. You know, while I'm in the barn doing her job. And having a small menty b about my future in general. By all means, come at me with your feelings.
Guys. I dunno. What is it with people just abusing me while I'm already struggling? I think this is a generational problem maybe? The twenty somethings seem to only want to do what they want when they want. Which like yes, don't we all? But as my dad taught me, everyone has to work. How else do you feed yourself and put a roof over your head? Meanwhile, not a ton of response to my iso. So I might have to find someplace to board for the winter I guess. I dunno. Lots to ponder there. So my confession for this section is that my stress level is high and my help is making it worse not better. Which seems counterproductive. (And also, would you all come at a boss like this? Am I way out of line here?)
My second confession is that I may or may not have resorted to retail therapy yesterday. And to add insult to injury my credit card thought it was fraud that I was spending not very much money at the outlet mall and declined me on a purchase. Thanks universe. How about you just let me find unhealthy ways to sooth my feelings?
So those are my confessions today. Anything you all need to get off your chest?
I finally went yesterday and got some prednisone. I don't love being on steroids, but man! I didn't realize how much my regular allergies were bothering me until that first dose kicked in! I'm looking forward to eight days of clear sinuses and hopefully no itching. (The itching is improved but not yet gone... I hope this does it!)
Anyway, my confession is that I wait way too long to get things fixed sometimes. Which is really silly when it's causing such distress. Maybe I'll learn from this. Probably not though. Anyone else?
 |
| Designed by the late Peter Good |
Anyone else getting ready for the dark season? I dislike winter so much, that I'm hoping having new outfits for the horses will at least bring a little joy.
Anyone else? Or are you still finding ways to put more hours in a day? If so, share with me your secrets!
I realize this is counterintuitive. But, see, I know that if I don't keep up with it, it will be SO MUCH more work when I do get around to it. And that feeling leaves me overwhelmed and not l knowing where to start. (Which is everything you need to know about the state of my own home...)
And THAT is today's confession: I'm actually really lazy and my house is a mess.
I know this doesn't sound like a confession. But here it is: I was feeling very discouraged by the lack of riding. This summer has been challenging in the mental department for me, and after the winter... It's been a little hard. But I'm trying me best to turn my mindset around. I know I'm incredibly lucky. I know that I have really special horses. And I also know that they don't care if they are super fit and going to shows or not. They only care that I feed them regularly and keep them healthy. So I'm going to keep remembering this and just enjoying our time together.
What do you guys think? Should I drag it all out? We have probably three more good months of riding, maybe four if November stays mild...
It's not really the end of the world to have days off from riding, but after such a long winter of not riding, I hate to miss it when the weather doesn't hurt my face. Can't change the weather though! So we shall do what we can when we can.
How's it been your way? Are you getting your usual rides in?
And then it was time to get ready to ride. As I was taking out my ponytail to do my hair for helmet, guess what I discovered. GUESS!
If you said a spider in my hair, you would be correct. Thankfully it was a small one, and not the absolutely enormous potential tarantula I saw in the hay barn yesterday. So that's my confession this week. I spent many hours doing chores the other day with a spider in my hair the entire time.
When we last left off I was full of hope for my new worker who was doing a really great job while I worked alongside him. He worked a full five day work week. His days off were Friday and Saturday. I was planning to work with him the full day Sunday, then move on to letting him start without me. I couldn't wait until I got to sleep past 5:30... And then...
Sunday morning he called out. Something about a swollen knee. Texts me later in the day that he's torn his meniscus and is unable to do the job. Wishes me luck finding a replacement. Why yes, in case you're wondering, I DID have a full menty b over this development. There were tears. More than once throughout the day. I'm currently on day 11 of 13 hour barn days. Well sort of. Yesterday was Monday and I don't ride Mondays. So it was only a half day. But otherwise. 13 hour days. Plus trying to do my THQ job. I'm very tired.
I did meet with a girl today who is interested in the job at least for the summer. I was hoping to find a long term employee, but at this point I'll take what I can get. She's going to do a trial work day with me on Monday. I know her mom from the most recent boarding barn I wintered at. They have a farm at home like me, but no indoor, so we're similar people in that respect. She has high standards for care as well, so that's promising! The daughter has worked as a barn manager before so she knows the most important horse stuff already. I'm no longer getting my hopes up because I'm not sure I can handle being disappointed again so quickly.
This really broke me. I mean I've recovered. Mostly. But there was a moment that I felt really defeated. I did everything in my power to set this whole ordeal up for success. And it still imploded. After such a hard winter and now being on my own with no help... I was really struggling. Thinking maybe this is all too much for me. And that still might be true. But I'll keep trying. It's all you can do right? I mean, I KNOW lots of women have barns at home and full time jobs, and maybe even a family. And they can do it all. Maybe I'm not as strong or capable as them. I dunno. It's just a lot. And I'm so tired. Fingers crossed things work out with my next potential helper.
I'm back! Sorry for the short hiatus friends, but I was fresh out of bandwidth last week. As you know I've been having some issues with the job my helper of many years has been doing. And when I was spending so much time finishing and or redoing his work that I was struggling to have time to ride all my horses, I knew that I really needed to do something about the situation. Spending eight hours in the barn plus trying to work my hours for Turnout during the week, and 12-13 hour days in the barn on weekends was taking a toll on me. Physically and emotionally. I didn't have time or energy for anything else.
So I made the decision a couple months ago to commit to finding a replacement. And I finally did, which meant that last Friday it was time to let my worker go. I've never had to terminate a worker before. I've had people leave of course over the years I've been here. One lady was struggling with carpal tunnel so she needed to stop cleaning stalls. (I feel that, I've developed it myself over the last year.) I had a few weekend helpers that graduated college and left to start their grown up lives. That sort of thing. I haven't ever had to be the bad guy. So needless to say, all last week I was having a wee nervous breakdown about the whole thing. It actually went fine, and in all honesty, I don't think he really wanted to be doing this job anymore. But I was really stressed last week just knowing I had to do that.
My new worker started on Sunday. He's going to be doing Sunday through Thursday. Which I'm really excited about. My little town has a great Farmer's Market on Sunday mornings in the summer and concerts at the lake across the street from me on Sunday evenings. But I haven't been able to get get to either of those things for the last few years. And now I'll be able to! Plus I think having an easy day Sunday (pretty much just riding that day and evening chores) hopefully I won't be so exhausted on Monday and I can be more productive with my non riding day. (It's honestly shocking how energy levels tank after 45. SHOCKING. Believe people when they tell you this.)
New worker is pretty green around horses, but has had some experience. Thankfully, my three are all generally very easy to handle. Even Al who is such a weirdo, is very respectful on the ground. I've been working with him all this week so he can get the routine down, and I can make sure things are getting done how I like. He's very willing to do things the way I want them done. He's picking things up quickly. Tomorrow is the first day that I'll leave him alone in the barn for a bit while I take a work meeting. I'm going to help him get everyone out, and then probably head back inside for my meeting and pop back out when it's time to bring the horses in. If that goes well, I'll do a little less each day until he's comfortable on his own.
Hopefully he'll enjoy the work and want to stick around awhile. Send good vibes for that outcome if you have them to spare!
So that's my confession. I was having a wee panic attack about this big change in my life. Hopefully I'm over the transition hump and things will settle down soon.
Today's confession is that I am taking the rest of the week off from blogging. We don't have much to report on for tomorrow and I have some changes going on over here that have me pretty distracted. I'll give a full report next week! Have a great week everyone!
It was especially disappointing though because I had also ordered a rotisserie chicken which was the base for all the meals I had planned for the next several days and they were out of those. So I got a whole load of groceries (mostly vegetables) and absolutely no protein. Sigh. Guess I'll have to make that trip to the store after all. I did have tuna fish though, so tonight I made tuna macaroni which was a pretty solid meal for a last minute change.
