Truthful Tuesday: You'll never believe this one

 

All I can say, is that I must have been a really, REALLY terrible person in my last life. Like truly deplorable. 

When we last left off I was full of hope for my new worker who was doing a really great job while I worked alongside him. He worked a full five day work week. His days off were Friday and Saturday. I was planning to work with him the full day Sunday, then move on to letting him start without me. I couldn't wait until I got to sleep past 5:30... And then... 

Sunday morning he called out. Something about a swollen knee. Texts me later in the day that he's torn his meniscus and is unable to do the job. Wishes me luck finding a replacement. Why yes, in case you're wondering, I DID have a full menty b over this development. There were tears. More than once throughout the day. I'm currently on day 11 of 13 hour barn days. Well sort of. Yesterday was Monday and I don't ride Mondays. So it was only a half day. But otherwise. 13 hour days. Plus trying to do my THQ job. I'm very tired. 

I did meet with a girl today who is interested in the job at least for the summer. I was hoping to find a long term employee, but at this point I'll take what I can get. She's going to do a trial work day with me on Monday. I know her mom from the most recent boarding barn I wintered at. They have a farm at home like me, but no indoor, so we're similar people in that respect. She has high standards for care as well, so that's promising! The daughter has worked as a barn manager before so she knows the most important horse stuff already. I'm no longer getting my hopes up because I'm not sure I can handle being disappointed again so quickly.

This really broke me. I mean I've recovered. Mostly. But there was a moment that I felt really defeated. I did everything in my power to set this whole ordeal up for success. And it still imploded. After such a hard winter and now being on my own with no help... I was really struggling. Thinking maybe this is all too much for me. And that still might be true. But I'll keep trying. It's all you can do right? I mean, I KNOW lots of women have barns at home and full time jobs, and maybe even a family. And they can do it all. Maybe I'm not as strong or capable as them. I dunno. It's just a lot. And I'm so tired. Fingers crossed things work out with my next potential helper.