I had a lesson on Pammon yesterday during which he was a perfect pony as he tends to be. (Most days. When he's not channeling Jamp.) But you guys. I'm having these moments of utter and total Ammy Panic. And it's an interesting thing. When this has come up in the past it's because I'm scared, and it's all encompassing and kind of there all the time. But this new issue is very temporary, and only happens when it happens. If that makes sense. Which it probably doesn't, so let me back up and talk about the lesson.
Things started out great! My warm up jumps were lovely. I was keeping my leg on and not locking up on his face. You know, RIDING. Kind of a miracle, but I was really enjoying it. Trainer put the jumps up to 2'9"-3' and things were still going fine.
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| 3' looking less intimidating this week. |
Until I had to jump the swedish oxer. It was the easiest jump in the ring, set about half way down on the quarter line. So no real turn to it, plenty of time to find and keep my pace.
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| This thing. It's 3' in the middle. NOT A BIG JUMP. |
But alas. I cantered toward that thing and just locked up my elbows and took my leg off. Know what my horse does when I do that? Trots. As he should. So I basically pulled him up at it (like 4 strides out which is still plenty of time to put my leg on and jump the stupid fence...) like three times in a row. And then trainer threatened to make me trot it, but said I could try from the other direction first. So I did that and it was fine. A little deep, but no one died. Came back to the first direction and got it done. And then things mostly went back to good again.
But what's so frustrating is that blind panic four strides out if I don't see the distance. What's so hard about just putting my leg on and letting my perfect pony help me out? Why can't I do that?! I really don't know. I think we just need to keep doing the thing until the thing no longer causes panic. But sheesh. It's so frustrating kind of losing control of your brain and body, isn't it?! Does this happen to anyone else?
Anyway. I'm super grateful that I found Pammon. He's incredibly understanding of my #ammyproblems and just keeps trying to figure out what it is I want. He really is a special guy, and I'm so lucky to have him.
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| Even if he breaks stuff a lot. |
