Truthful Tuesday: the one with the green eyed monster

I think I've been handling this not showing thing fairly well for the last almost two years. I'm supportive of my showing friends. I look forward to seeing their Facebook posts and reading their horse show recaps. I've been doing some braiding. I've been to horse shows to spectate. But you guys. I'm getting jealous. I think I've reached my not showing threshold.
I miss all of this SO MUCH:

Cosmo, low a/o jumpers Sugar Bush 2001

Just Humour Me, junior hunters, Devon, 1997

Jamp high adult jumpers, VSF 2011

Ontario, Low A/O jumpers, Saratoga, 2005?

Jamp A/O hunters, Saratoga 2013

Ontario, Adult Hunters, VSF 2011

I mentioned last week about the junior getting to ride my trainer's extra horse. I'm gonna be honest with you guys... I was REALLY jealous and maybe a little hurt that my trainer didn't offer me that ride. My trainer has a small business. She buys young horses, gets them to the grand prix level and sells them. She here and there has a client, but boarders and client horses aren't really her thing. So I'm her only customer right now. And for that ride to go to some other kid was really hard for me to see. Especially since I haven't shown in so long. All that said, I know this kid really well. She's an awesome kid, and this opportunity is HUGE for her. So I'm crazy happy for her. I really am. Even if I am jealous.

I've never been the best rider out there. But I've had some really special horses. And with them, I was lucky enough to achieve a fair amount of success. And I miss it terribly. I have people tell me all the time, lease something! Get back in the ring! Just go do it! Just go show Badger!

But it's not that easy is it? Yes, I could lease something and go show. But I'm not all that confident on a loaner horse. I like to walk into that show ring knowing I should be there and that I'm competitive. Plus, I am currently supporting four horses. One of which is on full training board. So that doesn't leave me with money to lease and horse show a fifth horse.

So what do I do? Well. I do have plans. But they're all very conditional. My current plan is to find a kid to lease Jampy for a year or two and do the 2'6". I think that's where he'll stay sound, and he's more than capable of jumping around that height for a year or so. I want him back when he's ready to retire. I want to make sure he's in the right place at that point in his life. He's not there yet though!

I need to find a home for Romey. He's a challenge for me, and due to his mechanical unsoundness, he'll never be my show horse. No matter how broke he gets, he'll never be able to compete in the hunter ring. I'm having a hard time digging down deep to find my brave and get him trained, knowing that it will never be for what I want to do with him. I'm sure there's a human out there for him, but I'm not really sure where to find that person. I will make sure to do right by him, but I really need to find him a home that's not with me. It may be selfish, but the time and money I'm putting into him, are not bringing me joy. And it's a lot of time and money. (If any of you out there in blogland have suggestions or an interest in him, please comment below or shoot me an email!)

Badger's plans aren't so black and white. He's everything I want in a hunter, minus the fact that I haven't really figured him out yet. I have kind of a wait and see approach for him. He is available for sale, but not at a discount. He'll either be sold or he'll become my show horse. No idea which will happen or when. But that's his plan!

Obviously, Rio has a home with me forever whether it's as a riding horse or a pasture pet, or whatever else he decides he wants to do.

So that leaves me here, a little green with envy, watching all the showing happening all around me. I'm hoping that by next season I will have placed Romey somewhere, gotten Jampy a temporary kid, and will have a new show horse in the barn. Until then, Jampy and I are plugging along, trying to maybe get to a one day show or something.

While I'm feeling a little green eyed these days, I still appreciate all I'm lucky to have. First and foremost I will do right by my herd. They've done their best for me and I owe them that.

Have you ever felt a little left behind while everyone around you is doing what you wish you could? How did you find ways to push the envy aside?