Truthful Tuesday: The one where I'm confused about trainers and horse shopping

So I've been shopping the interwebs for my next magical unicorn. And truthfully, it's  beginning to look like what I'm wanting is actually a mythical creature. I have what I really thought was a decent budget. I did ok selling Badger and I have some money saved up so I was confident that I could find what I'm looking for fairly easily.
Granted, I want something special. I want a horse that could maybe pass as a hunter. (Doesn't have to be a fancy hunter, but something that if I had to step down, could hang out in that ring and be considered competitive, even if toward the middle/ bottom of the pack.) Something I could definitely take to the 3' adult medal finals. And maybe something I could try to get back into the AA jumper ring with. So it's a bit of a tall glass of water. I don't want a hot jumper, because I do want to be competitive in the medals. But I don't want specifically an equitation horse, because I'd like to get back to jumping 3'6". The adult medals are mostly 3', and I think there is one that's 3'3". So most of what we'd do in the near future would probably be jumpers (or hunters). I guess what I'm saying is, I want another Rio.

A/O Jumpers

AA Hunters

Some Equitation Class

And I HAVE the budget for what we paid for Rio. Unfortunately, that was 15 years ago. (HOLY CRAP, I've had him for FIFTEEN years?! We're both really old.) Apparently, horses cost more now. Plus I imported him, and I'm trying to shop here in the US this time. And this my friends, is why people shop overseas. Horses seem to cost more here.
Anyway, I already mentioned what I'd like to be able to do with this mythical beast, but here are the other things I'm looking for:
-Gelding (non negotiable)
-15.3 to 16.3, but could go bigger if the horse is perfect. Don't really want smaller. 3'6" looks enormous from anything smaller than 15.3.
-be sound, and give decent indications on a ppe that it should stay sound for a few years at least.
-Some show experience
-not especially spooky
-can take a joke (remember, it's me riding)
-I know horses buck and do stupid things. But I want one that will tell me when it needs to do that, and will get it out on a lunge line if need be. I'm too old to be a lawn dart.
-not too big of an ego (this is why Badger and I didn't get along, he thought I was the worst. He might not be wrong, but I prefer my unicorn not have such opinions.)
-it should be fairly attractive, most shows I just come home with a nice photo
-It needs to like being handled and groomed. My horses live with me, and we spend a lot of time not riding together. I want to enjoy the horse, and would hope he would enjoy me too.

Must appreciate weird horse moms.

You may have noticed I didn't mention an age. Preferably I'd like something between 8 and 10. The problem though, is that anything in that age range that fits the bill seems to cost six figures. While I have a rather padded budget (IN MY OPINION) I do not have six figures to spend on a horse. And to be completely honest, I wouldn't even if I did. That's nuts.
So that in a rather large nutshell is why I'm confused about horse shopping. I don't know what to give up to fit the unicorn into my budget. As you might imagine, I don't want to compromise on soundness. I can be flexible with age, but I also want a horse to ride and show for awhile, so I really don't want something well into his teens. Definitely no mares.
I've actually found several horses that seem to fit the bill, but they are all between 5 and 6. Which I myself am not opposed to, but this leads to my trainer confusion.

Got this one when he was 5 and I was 11.

My trainer, when we found Badger, had a lot of faith in me. She didn't think a young horse would be a problem. And I don't think Badger's age nor inexperience were really the issue, it was more just how everything played out, coupled with a personality miss match. You really can't know going in, especially with a very young horse, whether you'll have a personality clash, until you do. I don't hold anyone accountable for that. That's just how it is sometimes. No one gets along with every horse. And that's okay. But when I sent her a video for a horse I really liked, that was in my budget, she said he was too young. He's six, and did a handful of relatively big shows last year. Not too much for his age or anything like that, but enough to get an idea of how he'll handle those situations. The seller says he's an old soul, takes a joke, not spooky, etc.
I was really taken aback when trainer said six was too young. I mean, I DID say no more babies. But six to me is not really a baby, especially when it's already been showing. Both with a pro AND with an amateur. So I feel like my trainer has lost some faith in me, and that's lead me to some questions about where to go from here. I just really want someone who believes in my abilities and can help bring out the best rider in me. If she thinks I need something dead broke and half dead, I'm not sure we're on the same page. Not that I mind dead broke and half dead, I just can't afford that. And not to be cocky, but I KNOW I'm a decent rider. Rusty? Yes definitely. Sometimes have confidence issues? DEFINITELY. But if I get to ride regularly and have someone on the ground working with me at least somewhat regularly, there's a good rider in this body. And I have no issue with training rides (from my trainer, not boarding barn trainer... just to be clear.) But I do want a horse that lives with me, so that is something to consider with a green horse. Maybe that's all she was getting at. I dunno.
So to summarize, Truthful Tuesday today, it seems I need to be a little more realistic with myself about what kind of horse to be looking for, and what my abilities really are. I think this is the horsey version of a midlife crisis.
Anyone else ever been here? Any advice? Words of wisdom? Just be patient, and the right one will show up when it's supposed to (I do tend to believe that)?

What's Up Wednesday

I'm back in the frozen tundra, but that doesn't mean we can't finish recapping my trip south! When we left off last week, Badger had managed to knock himself over lunging, but still was able to show on Wednesday. We figured we'd toss him on the lunge Thursday morning before I braided to see how he looked. He was just fine so I braided him up but forgot to get a photo before he rubbed... Boys. They looked better for day two, you know, prior to said rubbing.

post rubbing... could be worse, right?

Badger looked sound after a few stiff steps when he first started out. But once in the ring, he decided to let us know that he was feeling sore from his antics the day before. He doesn't tell you by, oh I don't know, limping? But rather by acting like a feral child. He started out nicely over the single, but played through his lead change and would only give a tense 10' stride at the canter. Know what that results in? Adding. It results in adding. He also threw in some small hops and lots of ear pinning. The second trip was mildly better, but he was still pretty ornery. This is why trainer shows him! Haha. Babies. It wasn't a total loss in my eyes though. He showed in a different ring on day 2 than he did on day 1. So again, it was a brand new ring to him. This one was next to the road, but there was a large privacy hedge  between the ring and the road. The weird thing about that though, is they can still kind of see the traffic, but not really. Pretty spooky in my opinion! But he didn't spook. He never was worried about being in a new place nor about jumping new jumps. So while he had a terrible attitude about the whole thing, he still had some redeeming qualities in the ring.

And also, he jumped like that. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Seriously. He's so fancy. I wish I could get along with him.
So after his telling us all about his sore body, we checked in with his vet. She said a few days of bute and no riding until Monday. Yep. I flew down to Florida for seven days to ride my horse and I got to ride him twice. Never even got to jump. Or canter a ground pole. Nothing. He literally is just eating and pooping my money. It's a good thing he's so darn cute! I guess if nothing else, he fits in well with the rest of the herd. (Also, now you probably understand my need for retail therapy...)
Fortunately, trainer shared Cara with me most days, so I did get to ride almost every day. She was perfect as always.

I didn't get to ride Friday because someone was trying Cara, but I went to the barn anyway to stuff Badger with cookies. And then I got irresponsible... You guys. La Mundial has an outlet store in Wellington. They sell all the orphan boots that didn't work out for people. I figured I was safe popping in since I'm so awkwardly sized. I wear a size 6 shoe, but have a solid 16" calf. Also, I'm a short girl, but calves are fairly long. Super awkward. And yet, I apparently have some size twins out there in the world. After trying on about six pairs of boots, I realized I couldn't leave empty handed. These two beauties are shipping to me this week... Because I have no self control.

The top pair is black with navy patent leather for the top trim. I figure I can wear them for everyday, but they'd also be a nice spare pair to show in if my zippers break or something. The other pair is navy blue all over. I have no good excuse for these. They're just SO PRETTY! And I got both pair shipped (and the blue ones are having some alterations done) for about $350 less than I spent on my Parlantis. So I mean... that's a good deal right? Two for less than one!
Friday after pony related activities, I headed over to the house to spend some time with the nieces. We had lots of fun swimming and playing with my little ponies.
Saturday was supposed to be my last day, so I spent some extra time at the barn stuffing Badger full of cookies and watching some lessons. I got all packed up and sat down for some lazy tv time when I found out my flight the next day was canceled. SO SAD! Oh wait, no. Not very sad at all! I mean, I missed all the fur kids at home, but another storm was hitting and I didn't mind missing that too much. Trainer takes Sundays off unless she's showing, so that meant no ponies on my extra day. Instead, I slept in a bit, and went to my favorite Florida breakfast place, the Lazy Loggerhead.

Probably not good for my "diet" (hahahaha, yeah right, I'm dieting...) but it was delicious! After breakfast, I enjoyed some sunshine on the boat:

And I came up with a potential logo for the farm. Not that I really need one... but I totally want Winthrop Corner gear and I definitely need a logo for that. What do you guys think?

I'm thinking it might be better to have the farm name written on the horse shoe instead? Or maybe just the initials on the rosette? I dunno. For now it's ok as is I guess.
At this point it was still only around 12:30. I have 10 million reviews to write for Beeju Boxes, but my internet was awful during the day (too much traffic I think) so that wasn't going to be a good use of my time. I decided instead to take full advantage of my day off and went for a pedicure. Definitely a good choice.
And then it was time to mentally prepare for the Tundra.

Land of ice.

My flight Monday was slightly delayed. There were high winds in CT, and so they had to clear a different runway back at the airport for a safe landing. Our plane couldn't take off until the airport in CT confirmed we could land there. It wasn't a long delay though thankfully. The flight was uneventful despite warnings of bad turbulence which didn't come to fruition thankfully. I was home snuggling ponies by around 4:30. I missed them SO MUCH! Once they were appropriately snuggled and fed, I set to work trying to de-ice Jorge.

There was a solid 3 inches of ice covering about 5 inches of snow. So that was fun. (No, no it wasn't.) It took about an hour, but I finally freed him and went to get the short kids! I hate leaving them, but I LOVE reuniting with them. The horses all kind of ignored me when I got back (well not Jamp, he's always happy to see mom) but the Pugs celebrate like it's the best day EVER! I heart those kids.
Tuesday was Valentine's Day, which I don't really celebrate as a single old spinster. But my friends are pretty awesome, so I still got some spoils:

I spent the evening giving the tall kids extra good groomies. They were definitely in need after my week away. I'm happy to report that shedding season is in full effect:

my fuzzy valentine

That's about it from here this week! But I won't leave just yet... I know you're dying to know what all those pictures were yesterday on Truthful Tuesday. Well, two of them were the boots above. One is my surprise from Equine Affaire, but I'm not revealing that until it's finally here. Sorry! All I can say is, "OMG SO PRETTY! I CAN'T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE FOR ARRIVAL!" Two of the photos were of spurs. I brought a couple of pairs of spurs down with me to get colored by Color Tack. I'm getting one pair done in gold and one in hunter green. I think they'll take about two weeks. And then I shall outfit them with my homemade spur straps! Woohoo! Well maybe... Another of the photos is a new Mane Jane belt. One side is green crocodile and the other side is purple croc. But in addition, I got a pair of spur straps also in the green crocodile. I think I got princess crowns on the keeper too. I promise to share everything once they all arrive!
Ok, that's really all that's up this Wednesday!

What's Up Wednesday?

It was quite a week for this amateur... As you know from reading Thursday's Threads, I flew down to Florida for a long weekend on Thursday. There is only one direct flight per day from and to my preferred airports so I don't get any options as far as timing goes. The flights this year are about an hour earlier than they were last year though. I decided because of this to take the whole day off Thursday instead of just a half day. That let me get my house cleaned up so I wouldn't come home to a mess, get some errands done, and cuddle the fur kids before leaving. Definitely the right choice!
My dad and step mom actually flew down the same day as I, so we were all on the same flight. We got to the house around 7, dropped off Juno, and headed out for Thai food. What can I say, we're creatures of habit. You have no idea how devastating it is when the flight is delayed and we miss our Thai dinner! Thankfully that didn't happen this trip.
Friday morning I was up bright and early to finally ride Badger! It's been FOREVER! Or like a month. Whatever. Same thing. He was enjoying turnout when I got to the barn.

I would just like to point out that he was calmly and quietly enjoying turnout. This is ironic later...
It had poured buckets the night before, so the ring was a little too wet for riding. Thankfully trainer has a big, beautiful grass field to ride in. I'm not sure if Badger has been ridden out there before, but he LOVED it! Our trotwork was great. He spooked once at a big bird flying out of the pond, but otherwise he was fabulous. Nice big, slow, floaty trot with minimal fake sneezes/rooting. I was being a good little amateur, keeping my leg on, and having a nice elastic arm. It was lovely. Truly. And then we picked up canter.
I have a habit of letting him canter too slow and too small when we start out. So I figured, hey, I'm in this big field, I'm gonna not do that. So after about ten or so strides of a nice canter, he got a little pully and wanted to open his step more. I let him, because big field, must gallop. Bad idea amateur. BAD IDEA! Next thing I know he full on runs off with me. Which would be fine with me, I mean, I do own Jamp, king of running away. Except after a few strides of full out running, Badger let his feet fly. That baby horse can buck! I wasn't expecting it because he's NEVER bucked with a person on his back. Not ever. I think I might have stuck the first buck had it been an only one. But he let out another little one and veered right. I did my best road runner impression and did not follow him. BOOM. This old lady is getting a little old for unplanned dismounts!

What? I forgot she was there.

Luckily for me, the grass was nice and soft (and not too wet) so other than a jammed thumb and a bit of dead arm, I was no worse for the wear. I'm sad to say I do have some grass stains on my Samshield that don't want to come off. I knew I should have brought my green helmet! Anyway, I climbed back on (slowly) and got back to work. Naughty pony kept his feet on the ground, but we decided to do our canter work on a smaller section of the field and in shorter increments. Things were going fine, but then of course, since he's Badger, he pulled a shoe. And thus effectively ending our ride. Little turd. Good thing he's so cute!
The other two horses I sometimes get to ride are out of commission so my riding time was over for the day. I watched trainer ride her other two horses though, which is always educational.
After pony time, I joined my parentals for family mani/pedis. There's really something to be said for vacationing with the parents. Free mani pedi's? Yes please.

note parentals in the background
also note this awesome mohawk. 

My brother and his family arrived Friday evening, so we stayed in for dinner. Dinners out with a three year old and a 7 month old are, well... we'd rather stay in.
Saturday I got to sleep in a little. Trainer's hubby is also our farrier, so Badger was getting his shoe on, but not until around 11. I got to the barn early anyway because I really didn't have anything else to do.

One he was done getting his pedi and new shoes, I got to ride. We were able to ride in the ring, and I was a little relieved. Eating dirt always leaves me a little apprehensive for a ride or two, so I was happy to be in an enclosed sandy area. I had no need to worry though, Badger was great. We cantered all the way around with no antics. And I behaved myself using my legs and keeping my hands soft. Apparently baby horses like it when you ride correctly. Too bad it's taken me a year to figure that out!

The rest of Saturday was pretty busy! My stem mom's family was arriving from Orlando, and we had to take a trip to Toys R Us to fill a few carts for Toys for Tots. The annual boat parade was that evening, and the marines come around in coast guard boats collecting donations. 

That was half, we filled the other car's trunk first in the hopes that I would have a seat. No such luck.

The boat parade was a lot of fun this year. Last year it was windy and rainy, and thus was poorly attended. This year there were TONS of boats fully decorated. My dad has his friends over and caters the evening. I invited trainer and her daughter who had a great time with my niece. The boats were awesome:

With all the family visiting, I had to give up my comfy bed for a foam mat on the floor of the billiard room. My aching body didn't love that, but you gotta take one for the team now and then, amiright? A glass of wine helped me sleep like a baby though so all was well. 

Sunday morning I was the only one riding. Since trainer's daughter started school this year, trainer is taking Sunday as her day off so she can spend time with her little. (She used to take Monday's off like most horse people.) She had no issue with me riding though since I was going back to CT Monday morning. AND I got to groom my own horse! (I know having a groom is a total luxury, but since I groom all the horses at home, I really like doing it. I think you get to know them a lot better when you take care of them.) You know what happens when you groom your own horse? You have lots of selfie opportunities. Badger hates sharing the camera with me, but he love to be a clown for his own pictures:

Badger was great. I even faced my new found fears and had him gallop lengthen the canter down the long sides. No bucking what so ever, and he only spooked once at the dog. All in all, I'd say it was a successful weekend with the yellow horse, despite the rough start.

I didn't hang around the barn after getting Badger tucked in since no one was there, and also because I really should be a solid member of the family while we have guests. We all went out for froyo and then did a bunch of this:

It's a dog's life in Florida for sure. 

Usually on the days I fly home, I like to get breakfast at The Lazy Loggerhead, but it was not to be this time. My brother and his family were attempting to get out the door early. They were driving to Disney for a few days. Between that chaos and the slightly earlier flight, there was no time for breakfast out. Maybe next trip!

My flight home was uneventful. I got back early enough to unpack, take care of the ponies, AND go buy groceries before meeting my mom when she got out of work so I could pick up the short kids.  It turned out to be kind of a long day, but definitely a good one. It's hard to leave Florida this time of year (who wants to head back to the frozen tundra?!) but it's always nice to come home. Especially with so many four leggeds waiting for you.

Tuesday it was back to the normal schedule, work then riding. I got to ride Tuesday and today, which was nice, but tomorrow the temps are supposed to drop and I think riding will be on hold at least for a few days. Such a bummer. 

And that my friends, is what's up this Wednesday. What's up with you? Have you been riding? Do anything fun this weekend? Tell me about your week in the comments! Or feel free to share a buck-off story to make me feel better about myself.

Truthful Tuesday

Today on Truthful Tuesday, we're going to talk about my conflicting emotions in relation to riding/training/showing my horses. Getting older is hard. Getting older and trying to be a successful amateur rider is even harder!
I think, for me anyway, it's really tough to quit riding for 3-4 months out of the year due to not having an indoor. I'm not super confident. Even back in the day when I jumped big jumps, I never stood at that ingate thinking, "yeah, no problem, I'm gonna win this one". So to just stop riding completely for awhile and then start again with questionable weather (and mildly insane equine) is REALLY HARD! Now add on all the social media I'm seeing of everyone showing and I'm feeling so jealous! But also a little terrified. Part of me wants to get out there and get back in the show ring. But the other part of me is afraid to jump any of this:

Well... maybe I'm ok with that little hurdle. If it's cloudy so there's no shadow. And it's not windy. And it's at least 70 degrees. Because that's when I think Jamp won't spook.
Seeing everyone out there killing it in the show ring makes me a little nostalgic and I start looking at old photos...

When I was a junior I had the best Junior Hunter. His name was Just Humour Me, and we called him Bud. Or Bud-Bud. Or Spud. Or Budly... He had a lot of nick names. He was an appendix quarter horse. I bought him when he was five and we embarrassed ourselves through the levels until we actually figured out what we were doing. He was my first heart horse, and he was the best confidence builder out there. THE. BEST. He NEVER said no at a jump. Even when it really would have been in our best interest. Sometimes he would get WILD, but he always let you know before it was a problem, and you could quickly lunge it out of him. I showed in the 3'6" juniors, but back then, there was no 3'3" option. LOOK HOW HIGH WE JUMPED! And I'm still alive!
Fast forward to college... I lost Bud during the second month I was at Skidmore. It was devastating, but that's a story for a different day. My trainer at school made sure I had the best horses to ride any time I wanted to after that. Which was pretty incredible. And eventually Cosmo joined the family. Cosmo was hard. Really hard to ride. REALLY HARD! Caps lock HARD. But honest as the day is long. He might rear and spin at the in gate. He might throw his legs at the top rails and have 28 faults. But he always jumped the jumps. And with him I learned to jump the big fences (for me, not really big fences). We did the Low Amateur Owner Jumpers.

Low? Really? I see nothing low here.

His antics and mistreatment of his own body led to him not staying sound enough for the jumpers. He really wasn't an eq horse nor a hunter (not at all there!) and I did not yet have my farm, so I decided it was time to donate him to a boarding school and find a new mount. He lived out his life there, and they absolutely loved him. He even participated in IEA and IHSA shows!
Cosmo liked to play with my confidence. Being not that brave, it was a challenge to get to the horse show and get through the ingate some days. Literally. He had such stage fright! But I think he taught me how to fake feeling tough. As long as I told him I wasn't scared, he'd believe me. Even if it was a bold faced lie. And he'd bounce into that ring (yes, walking in was asking too much, it's called compromise!) and cart my timid butt around a 4'3" course. That's a good boy.
My boy Rio who you all know and love was the next to walk into my life. Want to know a secret? I didn't really like him when he first arrived. I know, right?! But Rio was like Bud. He didn't care how many times I lied to him. How scary the mountain oxer was I was galloping him at, he always jumped the jump. He almost never got wild. He might be spooky before getting down to business, but never once you were working. And look what I managed to do with him:

I know! Hard to believe. We showed pretty consistently in the 1.3 and 1.35 M classes. Blows my mind to look back at that. And I wonder if that confidence will ever come back. I think it's really important to have the right horse. One that you trust quite literally with your life.
I love my Jamposaur and we even dabbled in the jumper ring but that trust isn't there:

We didn't venture higher than the 1.2 M before I decided it wasn't the ring for us. I can't fool Jamp into believing I'm not scared. And he has made zero attempts at tricking me into thinking he's brave. And so we need help from our trainer to get us in the ring. Or over these even some days:

Now that Spring is here (sort of... 50 degrees and windy in May is spring, right?), I haven't been able to force myself to jump Jampy any higher than 2'. I think I'll feel better if someone is there to babysit. But the one day I had a friend around, Jamp was a nut case. Spooking and running off, rearing and spinning. NOT a day for jumping. Ugh. My vet thinks it's Lyme disease rearing it's ugly little face, so hopefully there's a reason and cure to all this fear we've both accumulated. My trainer doesn't have anyone to watch her daughter at the moment so that also means I haven't been able to have her out to help me.
I'm terrified that all this fear inside will lead me to mess up Romey and Badger (aka GTO). I want to get them both moving forward with confidence spilling out their ears. I want to get all of the horses in the show ring with only positive thoughts. That, my friends, will take time. Because all of the successes from my past didn't happen the first time I swung a leg over those horses. They all took time. With Bud, it took years! With Cosmo... the successes were small. And they could be fleeting. But with Rio... The successes took some time, but then they just kept coming. Once I found his happy place in the eq ring, they've come with Jamp too. His can be fleeting. He's more of a Cosmo than a Bud or Rio.
Looking back on the past, I know the fear came. With each horse it was there at some point. And with each horse, I was able to overcome it. And I know I can again. 

Do you ever have fears when you're working toward a goal? Or cantering toward a crossrail? What do you do to overcome them?