What's Up Wednesday

Despite my best intentions to have a good hard working week with the horses, we were once again a bit inconsistent. Al worked every day, but Eros and Shiny both had an extra day off on Friday. The farrier came mid day (just as I was finishing tacking up Shiny) and by the time I finished cleaning up from that it was pretty late. 

Farriers are messy. But I got everything cleaned up by the end of the day. 

Eros has been so great lately. I jumped him around today a little bit, and there were no zoomies! He did attack the teeny tiny bounce a little bit... but otherwise he just clocked around like a pleasant little metronome. I haven't yet attempted a line... but I think we may be almost ready for that! I did string together a mini course today though, and he really was lovely. 

I've been feeling extra appreciative of him lately. He's just a solid boy. 

Shiny's been good too, but I can tell she's ready for her hocks to get done. That happens Friday though, so we're almost there! I haven't jumped her in forever because her kiddo has been doing all the jumps with her this summer. I popped her around a little bit today. She was sticky to start, but once she got moving she was great.

I kept everything at or below 2' for today's jump schools with both of them. I think they're both more than fine to jump a hole bigger but I was feeling like I could use a confidence building day. So small jumps were exactly what I needed! 

Then there's Al.... Things are not good with Al. He's back to being terrified of the one long side of the ring, and occasionally other parts as well. Any progress I thought I was making this summer is pretty much all gone. He gets a rescope on Friday, and if there aren't any ulcers in there then I really don't know what's actually wrong with this horse. A few days this week I could only get him to work on the lunge line, and even that was a challenge. 

I tried a new approach with him today. Normally I let him walk the ring on a fairly loose rein and see everything before we start working. But today I put him together right away (just at the walk) and asked him to get right to a working walk. We made figures and focused on bend and going forward. Well. I focused on that. Al focused on the trees he finds so terrifying. I was hoping if I could get his mind on me from the start maybe we would have a more successful ride. It didn't actually help. Mostly because I never really got his full attention. I honestly don't think I know how to. I tried to dig deep and be really brave and just do the things I had planned on doing despite what Al's feelings were. And I did manage to pop over the little oxer on the safe side of the ring and also the little itty bitty bounce I have set up.

But I'm here to be honest with you all and so I have to admit, that I was only able to pick up canter just before the turn to either of the obstacles. I can't get to that far outside of the ring without him panicking. I've tried just doing part of the side and then circling to the safe side so we get in and we get out, and he'll do it half the time, but he's snorting and panicking the entire time I'm near the fence over there. I've tried doing ground work over there. I've tried just hanging out with him over there. I've tried lunging him over there. (And I imagine it goes without saying that I've tried riding him over there at every gait.) I've done lots of figure eights to just try and get some work done without dealing with the scary side, but even when we're not going over there he panics just being asked to go toward it. My ring is not very big, so I really need to be able to use the whole thing to get any sort of work done. 

There's a big part of me that just thinks I'm not brave enough to ride this horse. Like maybe I just need to let him do what he's going to do and work around it. But I do worry about getting tossed. And I don't know how to turn off that worry. I do have extra angst about the bad knee not holding up when he spins, but I don't know if that's really a reason for my being intimidated or if it's just an excuse. 

I do think it's about time I make a hard decision though. I'm not sure how long I can keep trying and failing before I finally just wave the white flag and find him a more appropriate home. It feels like a huge failure to give up. I haven't ridden a horse that makes me feel so brave to the big jumps in a really, really long time. And who knows if I'll find that again? But the reality is, I can't get him to canter around the ring, let alone point him at a big jump these days. 

All I really know for sure is that what I'm doing isn't working. And I don't know what else I can do that might work. Yes putting him in a training barn might help, but there's just not really any options close enough to me for it to be feasible. I haven't had any luck finding another trainer to come out to my place to help me. And while yes, it might be helpful to ship in some place, it doesn't fix the problem that I can't ride him in my ring at home. He's generally pretty good in new places for the first few rides. Probably he would thrive in a show home where he gets to go to new places all the time. But I don't have the budget for that. So I guess it might be time to consider selling him. But man. It breaks my heart.