I haven't been very good about documenting our days, and honestly I can't remember a whole lot about our rides this past week. Which suggests they were fine, and mostly uneventful. It's been raining a fair amount, off and on, so we missed riding on Thursday, but managed to get saddle time all the other days.
I did finally get the results back from everyone's Lyme titers, and the results surprised me. And the surprise went in every direction honestly.

First the bad news is that Eros had a VERY high number in the chronic column meaning he was exposed sometime between his last titer (which oddly was in 2022, I usually test more frequently, not sure how he slipped through without one) and a year ago. So he's been dealing with Lyme for a very long time. This is particularly interesting to me because it might explain his painful back. He's gone comfortably without back pain in saddles that I found out later didn't fit him for most of the years we've had him, so it was odd that all of a sudden one with a pretty mild poor fit would cause so much discomfort for him. It might also explain that weird cold let we discovered a few months back. His antibiotics arrived this evening, so he'll start them tomorrow. I'm really hopeful they'll help him and get him feeling great soon. He's going pretty well, so this really was surprising to me.
Al had a negative, but his F protein came back just below the range for a positive, so we're going to want to retest him at some point this summer or fall. He's been pretty spooky the last few weeks (you know, cause there's a breeze and the trees move) so I was a little bit hoping Lyme could be an explanation. I'm glad it's not, but it would have been nice to have an easy fix. It might actually be time I admit that Al's issues are behavioral and not in fact medical. Sigh. Horses are hard.
I was also surprised by Shiny's results. She's tested as chronic in the past and didn't really respond to the meds, so I kind of assumed that would be the case forever. But this time she tested negative across the board. So that's wonderful news. Especially considering all the tick bites I've been finding on her. I think the weight loss has really done wonders for her health overall. She looks and feels like a young pony again. Which, she's only 12, so it's not like she's old, but the difference just since last summer is pretty impressive. I'm really proud of her.
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unrelated photo of the boys getting their feet done last week |
I've been trying to get the horses back on more of a consistent work schedule, and for the most part it's been successful so far. Eros and Shiny are easy. They mostly just do what you ask of them. It's Al that always proves more difficult. I really need to get my poo together and find a trainer to help us. Otherwise I should consider finding him a better home for his needs. I'm not getting anywhere with him on my own. I mean not really. Yes, he's doing better than he was last year in general. But I haven't been able to successfully get him jumping around here at home. Not because of the jumps. The jumps are the easy part. But he's so distracted and spooky. He's not actively spinning like he used to do, but he's propping and breaking an awful lot. And as much as my brain wants me to just sit back and be tough, I'm having a really hard time getting it done. I don't really feel afraid, I don't think that's the problem. I think where I'm stuck is that I can't predict when he's going to be startled. Like certain things I know. When the wind picks up and the leaves really start waving next to the ring, that's a thing for him. But the biggest unknown is the neighbor. We can be cruising along and everything's going great and then BOOM! Neighbor does something loud. And it's a pretty legitimate thing to startle at most of the time because it happens out of no where and they can't see where it's coming from. All three of them can be startled by that guy. But for Al it's just different. I think because I don't truly have his attention. I have been working with the TRT method with him because that seems like it SHOULD be what we need. But it's not really doing the trick. Al can do all the things in the pattern but when he's really worried about things, it still doesn't get his mind on me. And the more I ask of him the more upset he gets. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. I dunno. I'd love to see Tristan do a video with a horse while there are completely random unknown terrifying noises happening next door that they can't see. That would help me. Lol! But also, I don't think I can use the neighbor as an excuse for bad behavior anymore. It doesn't make sense that I can't ride this horse if there's wind or the neighbor is outside. That's just silly. The other two can do their jobs despite those things.
I'm going to be completely honest here for a minute. This weekend I got really down because of how things are going with Al. I felt like a real failure and started thinking about all the horses I had that didn't work out. Badger, Pammon, Romey. That's enough horses to make me question if the problem is in fact me? Which it probably is. I mean, they had different reasons for not working. Badger was kind of in line with Al. I wasn't comfortable on him. Pammon and Romey both had physical reasons for not working, but truthfully I wasn't doing a great job with Romey either. I REALLY don't want to give up on Al. Spooking and lack of attention aside, he's so easy to ride. The flat work is all there (except counter canter, which I'd like to work on...) and he's SO simple to jump. He makes big (to me) jumps feel like nothing. But if we can't successfully do the work when we're not jumping? Well that's not going to work.
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Cute horse is cute though |
But after getting a little dark and having a little pity party, I turned my attention to finding some solutions. I preach that if you're not happy, you meed to make a change. Figure it out. Life's too short to be unhappy, but we all have the power to try something different to improve the situation. Even if it's hard. ESPECIALLY if it's hard. Like asking for help. That's really hard for me. I feel often like I'll ask and not find any. And that's scary. And hurtful if I'm being honest. But we all need help sometimes.
So the first thing I did... (Remember, I was feeling desperate and sad) was email an animal communicator. Unfortunately, I have not heard back yet. (See what I mean? I ask and get crickets!) I'll give that a few more days and then see about finding another to try. (I think some of you have used them? Molly, you had one, right? Feel free to leave recs!) And my next plan is to reach out to that trainer I started talking to last fall. He never got back to me with his availability and I didn't follow up because we all know how awful Al is in the winter in the indoor. Seemed like money not well spent. But I don't want the indoor problems to turn into my outdoor problems too. So now's the time. This particular trainer I think would be perfect to help us, but I also know he's a little like Al. Easily distracted. So I need to do my part to stay on top of getting him scheduled. If I know me (and I do!) getting a few successful training rides on Al will help me immensely. Sometimes just seeing the horse do the thing gives me the confidence to do it myself. I wish I was more confident and didn't need that. But at 45, I don't think that part of me is changing.
The other thing I did to pull myself out of the deep dive spiral into crazy was reflect on all the horses that did work. Bud, Cosmo, Rio, Jamp, Shiny. (I can't claim Eros, he arrived perfect and will forever be perfect.) And the bumps in the road along the way. There were moments with all of them where things got hard, but we worked through them every time. And came out better than ever. That's just horses. And there's nothing wrong with having help to turn things around. I've never called myself a horse trainer, because I'm not one. So I will need help sometimes. And then I'll be able to do the hard things. Hopefully with a willing equine partner who trusts me to do the hard things with him (or her, but usually it's a him).
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A hard thing I did once... Show Bud at Devon in the 3'6" juniors |
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And another hard thing: Showing Rio in the 1.25M Amateur jumpers |
So anyway, that was my breakdown this weekend. I think I've moved on from it, but time will tell for sure. I spent Monday reorganizing my feed room which may or may not have been a metaphor for my emotions. The room came out great though, and it brings me joy every time I look in there now. So there's that at least!
I also finished washing all 33 blankets, sheets, and hoods from the winter. That's a legit chore in and of itself. I will need to get started on washing the ones we use here soon too, but I'm waiting until mother nature remembers it's supposed to be warm out now before I start that. The blankets never really get dry in the dryer so they'll need a few days to hang after washing before they can be used again if we need them or to get packed away so they don't get musty.
And that's it from here. Sorry for all the emotions this week. Sometimes they just spill out all over the place. Now that I've gotten them released, I'll pick them up and pack them back away where they belong! I have a fun (or maybe just funny) outfit for tomorrow, so the mood shall be lighter!
OH! I keep meaning to thank you all for nominating me to be an ambassador for Celeris. They didn't pick me, but I appreciate you all for doing it!